An Angry Sun...

I wrote this in response to an unforeseen breakup - one that could have been painless, had I explained myself before she had time to think her way into a woven web of past hate... Interesting girl, before slamming my door she said, "Go back to Alabama and find what it is you are looking for, because someone standing right in front of you actually cares". That hurt for a minute, I stood speechless. Then I realized she was after a particular response - my plea of forgiveness for wrongs undone. She left me a card at my door for Thanksgiving. She wasn't mad, never was - just wanted to test her level of control over an unbridled spirit. "I just wanted you to know you inspired me to change my life." I took that hard, feeling guilty for ignoring her - but I found peace a few nights later when she sent me a text message, asking me to walk her dog because she was too sick to move in the cold...

I grabbed the book she loaned me before, knocked on her door, returned it, grabbed the leash, and took 'Boozer' for a stroll in the bitter cold...

My legs shook, but my heart was emboldened. I did not crack to the whim of a misled teenager in her late twenties...
--------

"Accept the words of your fellow man as truth, until they prove otherwise"

If this isn't a verse, it should be...

--------

I returned the mutt, who didn't pee anyway... I still think it was a plea for conversation... I felt bad after the card, because I honestly thought my words made a difference. I don't say that in arrogance, I say it in sadness because there is nothing I can say to change that girl... and she is convinced I am most capable of doing just that. My only comfort is the adage that, "You can't help those unwilling to help themselves" -

Which brings me to the blog -- I let her create a thousand inconsistencies because I failed to respond to her in a timely manner (before the sun went down:)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Friends,

I have often sought to save a day - to throw myself into the eyes of a dying sun, in some vain attempt of preventing its imminent demise into a sea of reflected pain...
Today, I heard a sermon that struck home -- it mentioned Paul's note from prison to the church of Ephesus, where he said, "Never let the sun go down on your anger..."
The pastor's words struck home -- as they always do. He began to entertain the emotion of anger, to dispel the rumours that this human emotion is the most vile and sinful...

It is a natural response to pain, entirely sinless... only when we choose sin to magnify the response does it become wretched and vile...

Anger often hides the shadows of emotions unspoken, of ideas unsaid... it is a mask -easier to put on than to take off...

I felt it today -- and I seek to erase it... but I must bear the result, for I let the sun die without a response... I let it fall from the clouds to be put out in a burning sea of resentment. I found that I had wronged someone with silence, the most bitter weapon -- a weapon I chose to employ. They had done nothing to wrong me.
In my action to avoid my feelings, I awoke the demons of another... and have taken the brunt response of my silent words...

My friends, I yield to you the wisdom of my past -- never let the sun go down on your anger, for you are hiding a hurt that will spring up to bring you down later if you choose to remain a coward...

Speak up, before the twilight comes.

B